Hello fans,

I’m bursting with pride, and more than a few jitters, to announce the beginning of what I hope to be a long, fruitful journey with my new band, the Joel Newton Earth-tet. It’s a bold concept: we will play ambitious jazz / rock /experimental compositions of mine at venues all over the earth, each gig featuring a special guest from somewhere on the planet. To counterbalance the (potentially reckless) boldness of my endeavor, I’ve decided to make our first “Earth landing” somewhere not overly exotic, or far away; and where EZ-pass works. And where our first special guest wouldn’t balk at doing the gig. My plan is to move incrementally further and further away from the New York Tri-State area until we are playing gigs in the most remote corners of the globe, with an increasingly diverse and star-studded line-up of guest artists. At the risk of raising expectations, let me just throw out a few hypothetical examples: 2018, Oslo, with Dave Matthews; later 2018, Caymans, with Carly Rae Jepsen; 2019, Aukland with Vince Vaughan (I don’t know what he plays yet); 2020 with Seth McFarlane, Rhode Island or Shanghai. He sings.

The core band will feature me on electric, hybrid, ethanol guitars and solar guitars, Janice Tubman on bass, and Cedric Fritz on drums. If you don’t know them, suffice it to say for now that they really know their instruments upside and down and left their jobs as research assistants at M.I.T. to join this band. I tried to talk them out of it. Seriously, they’re some hot players and know how to thread the needle through that tiny little hole that connects Louis Armstrong, Eric Marienthal, late-career Streisand, mid-career Minnelli, Return to Forever, and The Who. And Ted Nugent. Which brings me to our first special guest …

Ted Nugent … what can I say. He’s an asshole who champions unbridled gun rights above all other concerns, and he’s not a great guitarist, but he’s one of the few people who can play a gritty guitar lick, make a macho arm gesture toward the audience, and announce, with complete veracity, that he is, in fact, Ted Nugent. I can tell you, I’ve tried it myself, and it just doesn’t work. I jest, he’s a great guy and I’m proud to be working with him.

Anyway, come to the Plympton Stage at the Flo-Flo-Kus Mall in Paramus this Saturday, July 4, from 11am to 11:45 am and we will get you thinking in a whole new way, about music, and maybe even life in general. I’ve been told to advise visitors not to trip over or accidentally unplug the extension cords that will be taped to the floor throughout the seating area: they serve the cotton candy machine and jumpy castle to the left of the entrance. The first six attendees get an extra punch card for the jumpy castle. Infants 6 weeks or younger get in free.

Prepare for awesomeness, thank you in advance, and be on the lookout for our next bulletin!